Baby Countdown and Status Report

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It's a BOY!!!!!!!

18 weeks now and found out we're having a boy!!!

Check out this video of our recent ultrasound.

Belly Pic Bonanza

First off, I just need to say that I think it's so fabulous that I'm posting U/S and belly pics and talking about my OB appts. Instead of talking about OPK's, failed cycles, and RE appts. I honestly can't believe that I'm here and it's actually happening. I keep waiting for bad news. So far this has been the perfect pregnancy. No spotting, no major cramps, baby's growing right on schedule. It seems impossible.

Today we experienced another milestone. I got my doppler that I had bought on ebay. Which by the way, I ordered on Friday afternoon and it was in my mailbox on Monday morning. That guy is gonna get some good feedback! I waited until Rich got home from work to try it out. At first all I was hearing was my pulse and swooshing sounds. And then I found the spot and heard baby's little heart beating loud and clear. It was FANTASTIC! And it was actually kind of nice that the first time we heard it was at home, just Rich and I. I fear everyday that the baby might just stop growing and I wouldn't even know. It's so nice to know that our little one is still alive in there! And I can check on it at anytime. Sweet.

Ok, here they are...belly pics.

These first ones are 11 Week pics, taken on Friday:


And here's the progression of the belly in close up form:





The 6 week pic is essentially a "before" and as you can see I started out with a little belly. It's gotten a lot bigger but I don't see that much change since 9 weeks. Of course at 9 weeks I was really bloated from being constipated and now I'm not. So my 11 week belly is more baby than the 9 week one.

So there ya go! Probably more of my belly than you needed to see!

11 Weeks and a new Doc

Another week down. They're going by faster these days. We had an appt at our new OB/Gyn on Wednesday. They did another U/S. Mainly just so we could see our little one again. She spent a lot of time and made sure we got a good look. She also printed out 5 pics for us. This one is my favorite:



It's looking so much more human-like. It was moving all around and in this pic it was waving it's hand up by it's face. One of the pics is of it's feet and boy/girl parts. It's obviously way too early to distinguish between the two but it's nice to know baby knows how to cooperate once the time comes.

I think I'm going to like this new practice. I only got to see the NP this time. I'll meet my new doc at next months appt, which is in 4 weeks. Partly to break up that and partly because I want the info, we scheduled the NT test for my 13th week. It involves an U/S so we'll get to see our little baby again. I also bought a doppler on ebay today so we can hear the heartbeat at home whenever I feel like it. We actually haven't heard it yet. They've never turned on the speakers during any of my U/S. I always forget to ask because I'm mesmerized by watching the little being that's inside of me.

Honestly, the thought that there's something living inside me and moving around in there is a little freaky. I mean, I think about my belly getting bigger and giving birth and having a baby all the time. But somehow the fact that it's actually in there now doesn't quite make sense to me yet. Maybe that'll change once I can feel it kicking.

I'm going to have Rich take a new belly pic tonight and I just might post some of them for you. Stay tuned...

Graduation Day

I've never actually graduated from anything before. I hated high school so much that I attempted to graduate a year early by going to night school. Turns out, going to school both night and day is not the best plan for someone that can't stand being in school. I failed my daytime classes because I missed 6 days in one semester. Even though my grades were all A's and B's. So I didn't end up with enough credits to graduate early. At that point I just couldn't imagine staying in high school for another whole year. I was already planning the rest of my life. So I quit and took my GED. In retrospect, I really should have stuck it out. It's rather embarrassing to have to list GED on job applications. I took some classes at our local community college but never enrolled anywhere. I didn't want to commit to 4 years of my life until I knew exactly what I wanted to do, so it would be worth it. And that never happened. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. For right now, stay at home mommy is pretty high on the list.

On Wednesday I had a different kind of graduation. I graduated from my RE to my OB. I must admit that over the last 6 months I've watched other women and couples graduating and been jealous. Especially while I was going through the ectopic pregnancy. It's ridiculous that I could be jealous of those women. Women I know went through some sort of infertility before getting to that point. Most of them, probably more than us. I should have been happy for them and happy to see that it does work. But no, I looked at them and wondered why. Why do they get this joyous moment, walking out with their U/S pic in hand? Why do they get to see everyone smiling and telling them to send pics of the baby when it's born? Why do they get that and we don't? On Wednesday, I finally got that. It was finally our turn.

First we got congratulations and goodbyes from my favorite nurse, Bree. She's still my favorite even though she bruises the crap out of my arm everytime she takes my blood. Then we got to have our last U/S with Deb. Here's the pic:



I actually like last week's gummy bear pic better than this one. But you can tell how big baby has gotten. I'm now measuring 10 weeks. Deb actually said she'd like us to bring the baby in so she could see it in person and not just on the screen. Sigh. I'm going to miss these people. I wish I could continue going there through my whole pregnancy.

Then we got to see the Dr. one last time. I asked him what we should do about our next pregnancy. (Assuming this one goes well) Our original plan was to just never use birth control again until we know we're done having kids. This one will have taken 2 1/2 years to get here by the time it's born. So it seems silly to use birth control when we know we want at least 2 kids. And I'd sooooo much rather just get pregnant while not preventing instead of going through all the stress of TTC and fertility treatments again. But I was worried that if we get pregnant on an unmedicated cycle that my low progesterone may cause another miscarriage. Or worse, another ectopic. The doc thinks we should go ahead with our original plan and call them as soon as I get the positive test. He said that a good pregnancy changes your body and "hits the reset button" So there's no reason to think I wouldn't have another healthy pregnancy after it. He would want to monitor me closely again through the first trimester. And if it does end badly again then we would know not to do that anymore. I don't know how we feel about that yet. We'll revisit it after we get through this one. I'm always the planner though. I figured I'd get those questions out there while I still had access to the RE.

After that we got to walk out to the desk with our little U/S pic. Get the big smile from the receptionist when she sees the word "Graduate" marked on my chart. I tried to be quiet about it and to put the U/S pic in my purse as quickly as possible. I felt the looks from the other women in the waiting room. I wanted to be respectful, but I can't deny that it felt awesome to be on the other side.

9 Weeks

I guess I forgot to do an 8 week post. Oops! We had another U/S on Monday at 8 weeks 4 days. Here's the pic:



Isn't it a cute little fetus? Hehe. It was measuring big at 8 weeks 6 days. That was a relief since it had been measuring small last time. It had a nice strong heartbeat of 164 and a spine, and arms and legs. So cool! Then we got to see the best thing ever. The tech made me cough really loud a few times and got the little gummy bear to move! It looked like it was napping and we woke it up so it wiggled around and got comfy again. It was so adorable!

Apparently my RE doesn't want to let me go. Or he wants another $500 from my insurance company. In any case, I get another appt with him next Wednesday. I'll be just a day shy of 10 weeks. Then the following Wednesday I have my first OB appt and I've been told I'll get another U/S at that appt. An U/S a week until I'm almost out of the first trimester. I'm a lucky girl!

On the symptom front I've had very little nausea, for which I'm grateful. However, the bloating and constipation has set in with a vengeance. My stomach is sticking way out and making me look 3 or 4 months pregnant. I can't say I don't enjoy putting on maternity clothes and pretending that's all baby. But I know what it really is. I'm trying to get a little relief from that before I post a belly pic because I'm not trying to pass it off as a baby belly. But I promise, it's coming soon!

7 weeks?

This week seemed to go by a little faster than the past few. I was so glad to hit the 7 week mark yesterday. Then I went in for my U/S this morning. The baby is only measuring 6 wks, 5 days. That's 3 days behind where I thought I was. I know for a fact when I ovulated. The earliest I could possibly be is 7 weeks. The baby looked healthy and everything. We saw the heart beating again which was awesome. And I can see that the baby has grown a whole lot in the past week. But it's still a little nerve wracking that it's measuring small. Here's the pic:



That's the yolk sac next to it. Funny that's what that tiny little dot was on the first U/S, just 2 weeks ago, and look how big it is now!

Rich pointed out that had she measured it a little to the right (your left looking at the pic) it may have measured slightly bigger and got us another day or two. Perhaps.

My next appt is not for 10 days. My doc is on vacation next week. Some ridiculously expensive luxury getaway I'm sure. The baby business is a lucrative one. I didn't get to talk to him today because he was doing a procedure. So we wanted to make sure we got to get all of our questions answered at our next appt before they kick us out. By then I will be over 8 weeks and baby will probably have changed a lot.

No new symptoms to report. Still just really tired and my boobs hurt. And maybe, just maybe, they're a little bigger. My stomach is also feeling like it's sticking out a bit, so it might be time to start the belly pics.

In baby news this week, he or she is now the size of a raspberry. It's growing about a millimeter every day and will form it's lips, nose, and eyelids this week. It's little fingers and toes are separating, too. No more little webbed hands!

To Tell Or Not To Tell

That is the question.

So far, I've only told my 2 best friends. We had originally planned to tell our immediate families this weekend. If everything looks good on the U/S, that is. Then we were going to wait at least another few weeks or maybe into the second trimester before making the big announcement to everyone else.

This weekend is my Mom's birthday as well as Father's Day. I'm pretty sure we're still gonna tell my Mom and Stepdad during some sort of get together on Saturday. I'm planning on getting my Mom a 'Happy Birthday Grandma' card, since this will be her first grandchild. And I might put an U/S pic inside too just in case she doesn't get it. Which she might not. I love her, but she never gets jokes. We wanted to tell them to keep it to themselves for a few more weeks. However, my Aunt and Uncle are coming in to visit on Monday and my Aunt is pretty much my Mom's best friend and Mom likes to brag to her brother, my uncle, about things. They'll be spending the whole week with them and we'll be having dinner with all of them a few times during the week. There's just no way she won't tell them. But that's ok. I can handle that. I was more worried about fringe people like co-workers and distant family knowing. They're the ones that don't end up getting told when something goes wrong. And it's torture when you run into them and have to tell them yourself, months later.

Here's the big conundrum. We always have a get together with Rich's family on Father's Day. Usually at one of our houses and it's us, Rich's parents, siblings, and spouses. So we were going to break the news then. Problem is instead of getting together with just the immediate family they want us to join them at church for a Father's Day BBQ. My FIL works at the church and has to be there for this event. They'll be at church before that and the BBQ lasts until 7 pm. So there's no way my BIL and SIL will want to do anything afterward with their 2 little kids. They'll head home. So either we tell them at the BBQ and everyone in their church will know, or we wait until afterwards and only tell his parents and not the siblings.

I'm irritated by the whole thing because I wanted to be able to share it when we were all together and able to talk about it freely. I wanted the big celebration. Damn it, we've been through so much. We deserve that. It's finally our turn, I want everyone to be excited and hugging and yelling and talking about it all day. But that can't happen if we're trying to tell them on the down low during the church thing or right before or after. And we probably won't all be together again any time soon. So maybe we just tell them and let everyone else know. That way THEY could brag to all of their friends and the extended family that may or may not be there as well. That certainly would make for a big celebration. But then there ya go with all those fringe people. Fortunately they're not really people that I run into on a regular basis. So maybe it's ok. AAHHH!!! I can't decide what to do! Any opinions?

We Have Life!

We saw the heartbeat! There is an actual living embryo inside me! Here's the pic:



I know it doesn't look like much yet. Do you see where the arrow is pointing at a tiny little equals sign? That's the heartbeat.

I didn't get any sleep last night. I just couldn't turn my mind off. I read until about 2 am and then laid in bed until I fell asleep somewhere around 3. Then I woke up at 6:30 and couldn't get back to sleep. I'm a zombie today. I keep saying I'm going to take a nap so I'll have some energy tonight, but haven't made it to my bed yet. I want to go out to dinner with Rich tonight to celebrate.

We have another U/S next Friday. By then I should have a little grain of rice to post for you. I'm already counting down the days until then, but I'm a little more relaxed about the situation. Or am I just sleep deprived?

6 weeks

Almost. I'll be 6 weeks tomorrow. That's close enough, right? Please say yes because I just can't be 5 weeks anymore. I can't believe how slow time is moving. I'm literally counting down the hours until my U/S on Friday. 40 hours from right now.

I want to be able to just enjoy being pregnant. This is what I wanted for so long. I just can't get over the fear. So far everything has been good. In fact, I've never got this far before without having any spotting or bleeding. I'm happy about that. And I'm not stressing over my progesterone levels anymore. I'm not going to put much stock in the numbers anymore. As long as everything is progressing right on schedule according to the U/S's and I'm not having any spotting, then every thing's OK. Right?

If only I could just snap my fingers and it would be August. But then I would have missed my pregnant summer. Damn. Why do I want to wish away what should be a happy time that we'll always remember? Why can't I just be happy and pregnant and enjoy my last summer without children? (Hopefully) My experiences have taken the fun out of everything for me.

In baby news, our embryo is now the size of a pea, about a 1/4 inch long. It has nostrils and the skeleton is formed. The appendix is in place and intestines are developing. At this point, brain hemispheres have formed and brain waves can be recorded. The heart has four separate chambers and the heartbeat will soon become more regular. And baby's first movements will happen this week. Obviously we won't actually be able to detect any movement for several more weeks, but it's happening!

I hope it is anyway. I hope I'm not attributing all these things to an empty uterus.

So Far, So Good...I Think

Had my first U/S today. We knew we wouldn't be able to see much more than the sac at only 5 weeks, 1 day. I was very nervous that we wouldn't see anything at all. I was freaking out. But I was really hoping we'd see the fetal pole, even though I knew it was too early. No fetal pole yet, but we did see the gestational sac and the yolk sac inside it.




All in all, the appt went well. I asked my doc when I would be able to play golf again. Maybe near the end of the first trimester. And no orgasms either. Uterine contractions wouldn't be a good thing right now. Thanks, Doc. I don't usually have orgasms on the golf course but I'll keep that in mind.

The nurse called me later in the day with my bloodwork results. HCG levels are over 7000 now which is awesome! But my progesterone is down to 23. That's got me worrying again. They said it's fine because it's over 15. I'm already taking progesterone supplements twice a day so I know it probably won't ever fall below 15. What worries me is the big drop it took. From over 40 to 23. Was my body producing progesterone last week but stopped? And now the only progesterone in my system is from the supplements? Would that mean I was going to miscarry soon? A lot of Dr.'s think that low progesterone is not the cause of a miscarriage but rather it's the effect. So if your levels drop it is a sign of impending miscarriage. I know they're still in the normal range, but they dropped - while on supplements.

Why is there always something for me to obsess over?

Bad Friend, Bad Sister

A friend of mine has been calling and texting me A LOT this week, wanting to talk. I don't answer her calls and only respond to some of the texts. I'm careful not to get into an actual conversation, even via text. It's just so hard to talk to people right now. My brain is completely preoccupied with this pregnancy. How do I answer "What's up with you?" or "You've been really busy lately, what's going on?" when I don't want to tell anyone yet. And I haven't been busy at all. I've been sitting at home, lost in my own mind. Trying to hibernate from the world until I can be a normal pregnant women and be happy about it and share the good news. Right now I don't want to tell anyone, but I can't think about anything else. It's hard for me to even listen to her problems or try to talk about something else because my brain just won't concentrate on it. So I ignore the calls. Then it's worse because I have absolutely no excuse for not answering or calling her back. I'm sitting here doing nothing just trying to pass the time until Friday but I can't even talk to one of my best friends for a few minutes? I'm such an ass.

Another friend is going through a divorce and just had to sell her house. The settlement is Friday, so she has to have everything out by then. I've been answering some of her calls, but making excuses for not going over there and helping her pack and take things to storage. Mainly because I'm not supposed to lift anything or do anything strenuous right now. But I can't tell her that. And of course, I have the whole problem with conversing. Although I'm sure she'd do all the talking with everything that's going on with her right now. Even though I know I can't help physically, I feel like I'm letting her down when she needs me the most.

Here's the worst one. The one that makes me feel about an inch tall. My Dad died in 2007. I have 2 brothers, one older, and my baby brother Sean who's my half-brother from my Dad's second marriage. He lives in Detroit with his Mom. He called me on Saturday morning. Friday had been his last day of high school and his graduation was on Sunday. His Mom and I were emailing about this about 6 months ago. I sent her a quote to add to the page she was taking out in the yearbook for him. We talked about Rich and I coming out for it but I wasn't sure if we were actually going to do that. I really don't get along with his Mom and she wanted us to stay with her, blah, blah, blah. Sometime in April I thought I should email her and ask when the actual graduation was. But that thought was quickly replaced by thoughts of fertility treatments and possible nursery furniture. I never emailed. I did talk to Sean a few times but he never mentioned it. I knew he wouldn't know the date anyway. He has problems with time conception. His graduation is a bigger deal than most because he has some learning disabilities and social awkwardness. He's been diagnosed with a zillion things, most were ridiculous and a waste of time, over the years. Since middle school he's had an aid that writes his work for him because he can't put his thoughts into writing. However, he's very smart, loves to read, and wants to be a writer someday. Thank god for voice recognition software! He's also very funny. But sometimes talking to him is like trying to talk back to a stand-up routine. So it's hard to make a connection with him. Anyway, because of all that it's amazing that he's graduating, ON TIME, at age 18. I'm so proud of him.

All of his family from his Mom's side is up in Detroit for the weekend. And here's the thing that really got me. My older brother is there too. He made the drive from Alabama to be see him graduate. My unreliable, unorganized, unthoughtful brother is there. And I'm not. What the fuck? I told Sean I would have been there if I'd known. He said he tried to call me but I never answer the phone. He said I'm really hard to get a hold of. Those words broke.my.heart. He doesn't leave messages and I don't have caller ID. So of course I don't just answer! My antisocial self doesn't talk to just anyone these days. I wait to hear who it is first. He said his Mom sent me lots of emails. I didn't get any. She must have messed up my email address. She had it right 6 months ago! Ugh. And then there's my older brother. Why couldn't he have called me to let me know he was going and see if I wanted to go too. He says he did, and I didn't answer. UGH!!!!!!

I feel like such a piece of shit. I knew he was graduating this year. I'm the adult, he's the child. I should have called and found out when it was and made plans to be there. It's not like I have anything else to do these days. It would have really taken my mind off of all this pregnancy stuff to get away for a few days too. He sounded really disappointed on the phone. He said at least someone from Dad's family is there. Made me cry.

I have a quote from one of those stupid inspirational emails that keeps running through my head. 'If you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate actions to correct it.' So how do I do that? I already offered for him to spend a few weeks at my house this summer. We talked about that last summer but it never happened. I'm going to make it happen this time. Make concrete plans with him and his Mom. I'm also thinking I should set aside a certain day every week to call him. How do you make up for missing the most important day of his life so far? Can you?

As far as my texting friend goes, I sent her a text apologizing for being self-involved lately. Then she sent one backing asking what was up with me, which I ignored. She's just concerned, not angry. I'm thinking I might tell her about this pregnancy. She won't tell anyone and she knows about the ectopic and fertility treatments already. I was just trying to wait until we at least had an U/S before telling anyone. She doesn't always say the most tactful things on the subject. She's a self-proclaimed 'Fertile Myrtle'. But maybe I ought to tell her what's going on and explain why I haven't been taking her calls. Then if something goes wrong and she makes stupid comments, I'll just have to deal with that. That's the unselfish thing to do, right?

This is an unbelievably long post. If you're still reading, THANK YOU.

Beta #2

414. Holy Crap! It quadrupled in 2 days! I'm starting to wonder if there's more than one in there. That would be AWESOME!!!

I have to wait a whole week for any more info though. Since my numbers look great they want to hold off until next Friday to do another beta and an U/S. How am I going to survive an entire week? Even with these great numbers I'm still scared of an ectopic. Last time my levels increased normally in the beginning but then got stuck at 368 and never went any higher. So for the entire next week I'm going to be wondering if I'm stuck at 414.

I had a whole spiel I was going to give the nurse about needing to come in for another test early next week. I was going to tell her how nervous I am and that I'm worried they'll stop going up. But when she told me 414 I was so excited! So was she. There was no way I could go ahead with my spiel about being nervous after celebrating on the phone together. Oh well.

Another Day, Another Test

I couldn't resist. I tested again this morning. The line just keeps getting darker! Check it out:

Beta #1

The results are in!!

My nurse called me and said, "It's official, you're pregnant!" Such wonderful words. My HCG level was 98, which I'm pysched about. I was just hoping for something over 50 since I'm so early, only 13dpo. Yay!

My progesterone also looked good at over 40. I'm already on the supplements so I knew that one would be high, but it's nice to confirm that everything's good on that front.

Beta #2 on Friday. I can't wait!

It's Darker!!

I held it as long as I could and took another test at 4 pm. It's much darker than the other 3!!



You can actually see the line on the picture with that one. I guess my AU is better than my FMU. :)

Here We Go Again

Obviously I didn't make it until Wednesday to test! I woke up and took my temp yesterday at about 7:30 am. It was pretty low. I was laying there wondering what that could mean, if it meant anything. I had to pee. I decided to test so I could stop all of the What if's running through my head. I didn't have any FRER's, but I did have a CBE digital that I got free with my OPK's. I tested and sat on the bathroom floor petting Cricket and waiting for the NOT PREGNANT to come up. It was taking forever. I kept glancing at it and thinking "Just pop up NOT PREGNANT so I can go back to bed already" And then it was there. PREGNANT. I started crying, there on the bathroom floor. I thought maybe my eyes were playing tricks on me. My vision is a little blurry in the mornings when I sleep in my contacts, which I had done. I woke up Rich by shoving my pee stick in his face. Haha. And saying, "I couldn't wait, but I think it says pregnant, is that what it says?" He sat right up and looked at it and hugged me. I couldn't stop the tears.

Later in the day I decided to go get some FRER's so I can watch the line get darker over the next few days. I kept my FMU in a cup in the bathroom so I could do that. I dipped it in and waited. The control line popped up and got dark as can be. But there was no second line. I freaked. I know false positives are very rare, but CBE digitals are the most notorious for them. So I grabbed another one out of the box and tried again with fresh pee. (Didn't you want to know this much about my pee?)This time a very faint line came up. Whew! As they sat there they got darker and I could see a very very faint line on the first test as well.

I was expecting a darker line than what I got since the digital was positive. It's kind of disappointing. So I took another one this morning hoping for a darker line to make me feel better and it's lighter than yesterday afternoon's. Ugh. It can never be worry free, can it? Here's the pic of my 3 tests.



I'm getting ready to go buy another box so I can see if my afternoon's today is a little darker, like yesterday. That's right, a second 3 pack in less than 24 hours. They must make a killing off of us!

I go in for my beta tomorrow. I'll only be 13dpo and with these light lines, I'm not expecting a very high number. Hopefully they'll let me come back for another on Friday to see if they doubled. Please keep me in your thoughts! We need this bean to be a healthy one!!

Haircut Part Deux

Thanks for all the suggestions! It was unanimous on all fronts to go with the bob. So here ya go:





That last one looks remarkably similar to my "mock" bob I had in the last post. So I guess I was successful! It's obviously much shorter than I was looking for. But it's cute and I can live with it until it grows out. I had them cut it a little shorter in the back then the front. (The Sling, as Lindsey called it) I actually really like this look. My only problem with it is that it's the same haircut (except for the bangs) that I had for years and years. My recent shoulder length layered look with bangs was the big change that I had been looking for. So, it's a little annoying to be forced back into my old standby haircut. But it'll grow. It grows fast, especially while taking the prenatals.

Teddy got his haircut this week too.



Doesn't he look like a proper little gentleman?

5 days until testing. Or 4 really since it's VERY early on Saturday now. I've been obsessing A LOT today. I had some pains on my right hand side. Very sharp pains similar to what I remember with the ectopic. At first I got excited about it thinking it must be implantation. Then, wait, if it feels just like the ectopic pains, is it another ectopic? I think I have those every cycle now though. So I really shouldn't read too much into them. But I will anyway! I seem to think less about it on the weekends when Rich is with me, so I'm really glad we've got a 3 day weekend.

New haircut! Help!!

My hair was getting a little too long for me so I went in to have it cut. I asked the hairdresser(same one I always go to) to do the same thing as last time. Piecy bangs and big chunky layers in the rest of the hair. I asked her to cut an inch or two off the length but keep it at my shoulders. I told her I like the look of long hair, but once it gets too long it gets on my nerves.

Here's what it looked like last time:



I loved that haircut! And I still had it, I just needed it trimmed up.

And here's what it looks like today:





I freakin' hate it! I look like a housewife from 1978. Somehow all the hair in the front that frames my face is really short. It's up to my chin. And then it tapers down into these thin layers that pop up from the bottom of the sides and back. Hate it, hate it, hate it! I've been playing with it all day and can't make it look good.

So, here's my dilemma. Do I just leave it alone and let it grow out or do I get all those thin long layers cut off and make it into a bob. I didn't want a bob with bangs because I thought it would look too juvenile. But now I'm thinking that would look better than what I have. I would probably need to let it grow even longer if I did that. So I took some pics with the long pieces pulled back so you could get an idea of what that would look like:





What do you guys think? Please don't tell me it looks good just to make me feel better. I want honest opinions of if I should leave it to grow out or get it cut again.



Thanks!

Denied

My insurance I have now is though Rich's work. It's free for him but really expensive to have me on the plan with him. And stupid expensive to add a baby. So I thought I'd be smart and proactive and research individual health plans. I found one that included maternity coverage and would be a little cheaper for us now and A LOT cheaper if we were to add a baby. So I filled out the paperwork and waited for a response. One of the questions on the application was "Have you ever had any fertility testing done?" So I put on there that some fertility tests had been done at my request after an ectopic pregnancy and no problems were found. I don't want to be accused of insurance fraud or anything so I thought they should know about the ectopic and that I have been seeing an RE. They came back wanting more info concerning my infertility. I had to have the Doc fill out a form and fax it back to them.

My current insurance won't cover fertility treatment but they do cover diagnosis and my RE appt's, just not the treatments. And it has a $3000 deductible so the things it does cover I have to pay out of pocket anyway.I figured the new company was going to come back with some exclusions. That they probably wouldn't pay for any of my RE appts or fertility stuff because no matter what you call it, it's a preexisting condition since I'm already receiving treatment. I thought, at the worst, they might deny me fertility and maternity coverage altogether. I thought we'd have to figure out what we would have to pay out of pocket vs. how much we would save on premiums and decide if we should switch.

Yesterday I got a big packet in the mail from BCBS and I thought, Yay! I'm approved. Now let's just see what the exclusions are. I open it up and read the letter on the top of the packet.

"Thank you for your recent application for individual health insurance. Unfortunately we cannot approve your request for the following reason: Infertility"

Fabulous. The rest of the information in the envelope was brochures for a plan for "high risk pool of medically uninsurable Maryland residents" I'm medically uninsurable? What the hell? I'm in perfect health other than the fact that I haven't had a baby yet. If I hadn't tried to get pregnant I wouldn't have needed to go to the Dr. for anything. I was willing to pay for my fertility stuff on my own. But they flat out denied me. Medically Uninsurable. Ridiculous.

I happened to have snuck a peak at that form the RE sent them the other day. I took the walk from the office to the front desk with my chart REALLY slowly and took a look-see. My official diagnosis is Unexplained Secondary Infertility with Shortened Luteal Phase. In previous conditions he listed - miscarriage at age 24, recent ectopic pregnancy, Unexplained Secondary Infertility greater than 2 years. Future treatment required - Clomid and Monitoring until 8 weeks pregnant. Interesting. Not sure where the 2 years part comes in as I have only been off of birth control for 20 months and seriously trying for a little over a year. Perhaps he thought we had been trying since the first miscarriage? Whatever. What's done is done. Also interesting that he refers to it as 'secondary'. I thought that term was only used if you already had a child. I'm assuming he's considering my first pregnancy as a success fertility-wise even though I lost the baby at 11 weeks. But apparently not the ectopic. Fetus in Uterus means you restart the infertility clock?

It's so aggravating that I'm being denied for Unexplained Infertility. The name says it all. They haven't found anything wrong with me! How can I be penalized for having testing done and trying to up my odds of getting pregnant with some fertility meds? That does not equal illness!

I freakin hate insurance. Of all kinds. Such a waste of money.

8 days until testing.