Failed The Test

Failed it 3 times actually. I got BFN's at 11, 13, and 14 dpo. Yay me. My next cycle will probably start tomorrow once I stop taking my progesterone supplements. I HATE THIS. I really truly despise this whole process. It's draining the life out of me. I'm getting to the point where I'm not sure I even want this anymore if it means I have to keep doing this for months and months just to get a BFP which may or may not turn into an actual baby. UGH. UGH, UGH, UGH.

Why can't you just get pregnant every time you have unprotected sex. The world would work so much better that way. You'd have much less idiot teenage pregnancies (not to mention idiot adult pregnancies) if they knew that if they did it just once, they'd be pregnant. Not, there's a chance it will happen, you WOULD be pregnant. Most everyone would protect themselves until they wanted to have a baby. Then, when you decided you wanted to have a baby you could just do it once and be pregnant. Of course, that plan does have it's faults. Only the real dumbasses would get pregnant acidentally so you'd have really stupid babies running around. All rape victims would get pregnant as well. Good lord, this post has taken a strange turn. Let's move on.

Every other month I've had some reason as to why it didn't work. Pretty much all last year it was my short luteal phase/low progesterone issue that I blamed it on. In February it was because I ovulated on the right side again which still had a blockage, found on my HSG the next month. In March it was because the HSG was too close to when I ovulated and the spermies had a "hostile environment" due to the dye that flushed everything out the day before. This month I have no excuses. Everything was perfect. But I'm still not pregnant. It just doesn't seem like mother nature works the way it's supposed to. If every piece was in it's place, then why did that little test tell me -NO this morning instead of +YES? I just can't make sense of it.

A Little to the Left

That's where I need my hubby's swimmers to go. Because my left ovary finally took charge! I was beginning to think it didn't work at all since I've ovulated on the right side every single time we've checked. My Dr. is very happy about this since my left side does not have a history of ectopic, like the right side does. So this would be a good month to get that BFP! Do ya here me in there!?!

Everything checked out nicely today. I've got 2 follies looking good at 22 mm and 25 mm. My lining looked great at 10.6 mm, and they did another CM test and Rich's swimmers looked great again. We were so relieved at that. I was afraid all of the stress he's been under at work had caused his sperm count to suffer. But I don't think that's the case. I think last month was probably a fluke due to the HSG dye since that had happened the day before.

For the last few months, every time I go to the RE's office, he's got someone sitting in on our visits. It's someone different every time, interns doing their rotations I guess. It doesn't usually bother me. Except today my Dr. got pretty explicit about sexual positions. He actually said "I don't know what you did different this month, whether you're lying on your back or if your husband stays inside you longer, but it seems to be working. Keep doing it." And the young doc-in-training let out a giggle. Lovely. We're actually not doing anything different. I think the doc was just trying to justify why this month the swimmers looked so much better on the post-coital test. (I hate that term) Again, I think last month was a fluke because of having the HSG the day before and all those chemicals probably screwed with my PH balance and killed off his poor little spermies. The ones that were still alive were just quivering. So sad. Today it looked like a sex ed film again. A bunch of them swimming around like crazy under the microscope. Such a beautiful sight!

Bored

I stole this from Sarah. Cause I'm a thief.

Bold all the things you've done on this list so others know how awesome you are.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyworld
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris - This one should really change in the near future since my husband is from France. (Hint, hint)
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo's David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life *
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake - I'll take Sarah's word for it that I'm not missing anything with this one.
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day

*Ok, regarding saving someone's life. My neighbor fell down the stairs in her apartment. I heard the noise and put my ear up to the wall to see if she was ok. She was definitely not ok. We went over there and she was laying on her kitchen floor, blood everywhere, and delirious. We called 911 and they landed a helicopter across the street and flew her to shock trauma. She ended up having several broken bones along with a gigantic gash in her head and a severe concussion. Now I don't know what would have happened if I hadn't gone over there, I doubt she would have died, probably just laid there for longer than she needed to. Hence the asterisk.

Another One Down

Another cycle, that is. On to the next one. I'm not too upset by it. There's a lot of reasons why this last month was not a good month for me to get pregnant. Probably the biggest being that I don't think my mind was in the right place to be pregnant again. (See my previous post.) Also I wasn't thrilled about what my Due date would have been. Our imaginary baby would have had to share his/her birthday with my BIL's kids and I just didn't want have to deal with a lifetime of birthday party scheduling issues. Of course, if I get pregnant this cycle it could very well be a Christmas baby and then he/she/they would have to share their birthday with the entire world. That doesn't seem as bad to me for some reason. Also, I've been working on losing the 15 pounds I gained over the winter. I'm down 5 but would like to be down a few more before I have to worry about getting enough calories in for a second life. I also did a few things in the 2WW that weren't too baby friendly. A couple nights of drinking, some hardcore workouts, and I dyed my hair. Although, I really don't think hair dying does any damage.

I'm still bummed. Bummed I don't get at least the possibility of an exciting announcement at either of 2 family get togethers next month. Like I had been secretly imagining in my head. Bummed I have to go through another 2WW. Bummed it will be at least another month, if not months or years or never, before I can make my hubby a daddy. Bummed.

My doc is upping my Clomid again this month. This cycle I will take 200mg on day 3, 150mg on days 4-5, 100mg on day 6, and 50mg on day 7. At least it's interesting. Kinds makes me feel like we're doing something different and therefore this might work.