Back on the Wagon

I think I needed a few days (or a week) to wallow in my sadness. Now I'm ok. I'm trying to look at the positive. That I should be pregnant in the next few months. Should. Then we can see what happens from there.

The Dr. upped my Clomid dosage to 4 pills(200mg) every day on days 3-6. Which is only 4 days intstead of the usual 5, but a very high dosage. In fact the pharmacist red-flagged it because she had not seen a dosage that high in her 20 years of experience. But the RE's office assured me it's normal for them to go that high and sometimes they even go up to 5 pills a day.

So far it's kicking my ass. I've had the worst headaches I've ever had in my life for the past 3 days straight. Mind numbing, ridiculous headaches. And heavy duty fatigue. Hopefully this goes away now, since I'm on my last day of Clomid.

I've started thinking through all the usual stuff for this cycle. What would my due date be? At what holiday or family function would we be able to make the big announcement? How pregnant will I be by Christmas? How far apart will our baby and his/her new cousin be? All that nonsense. Why do I put myself though that? Then it's such a let down when those "milestones" don't happen. I wish I could just go about my life like we did before TTC. And if I was pregnant, great. If not, no big deal. But I can't. I must obsess over all of this nonsense every hour of every day of my life. Please let this be the month!!!!